What is mental strength, REALLY?

I have noticed a trend that seems to believe that "mental strength" is the ability to be unmoved by those around you. As though you are steely. Unaffected. "Strong". This is an unfortunate trend because this is not AT ALL how most of us interpret the term, "Emotional IQ."

In my mind, those who avoid cognitive distortions seem to be the most emotionally strong. And that's great, and all, but how do we get to the place where we are comfortable saying to ourselves, "Nope, that's a cognitive distortion and I'm just not going to go there."

I believe there are two ways: 1. self-discipline AND/OR 2. healing the core of ourselves, with God's help. There are two aspects of EQ. Self-awareness and social-awareness.

Now, I don't believe in self-disciplining your way into health. Perhaps there is something to the neuroscience of forming new pathways and "catching ourselves" when we have, let's say, all-or-nothing-thinking ("I'm a bad person!"). But it seems more organic and spiritual to be able to say, "I have the self-awareness to be able to understand where this cognition is coming from. I will acknowledge this cognition as a younger part of myself, understand this part of my self, and exercise compassion and forgiveness for the younger part of me that may be feeling this way." This is self-awareness and it rocks. I understand this is simplistic. It takes time, trust and vulnerability to move toward ourselves and our fears in this way. Which is, by the way, what we do at MCCC. But my point is, THAT is emotional/mental intelligence. Facing it. Understanding it. Accepting it. Not shutting any part of ourselves down. On the contrary, bringing it in.

There is a difference between a heart that is "hardened and strong" and a heart that just keeps breaking open and growing bigger, and safer and more encompassing of love and strength. This takes tremendous courage. THIS is strength. To be able to say, "This other person is speaking from a much younger, more wounded part and I want to honor their journey and tread softly, get curious and do my best to have compassion and understanding without it affecting how I view myself," is social awareness and it's even awesome-r.

Mental and emotional disconnect says, "I'm tough." "I can handle whatever". "I can do it all alone." "I don't need anyone." And this may be a trauma response. This is a lack of REAL intimacy.

Mental and emotional IQ says, "I'm going to feel." "I need to move through this." "This won't last forever." "Let me get curious about what is happening, inter-relationally." And, to continue on with our baddassery-thread, this is, indeed, being an emotional and mental badass. When the storm comes, are we able to weather the waves and find our peace in the eye of it? Or, do we simply say, "That's not a storm." Mental health is being honest about where we are and where others around us are. It takes work but it is so worth it! So, we use wisdom and tools. We lean into the feelings and learn. We are careful with others' feelings and learn from that, also. We never force. We pull out the appropriate tools for the situation in which we find ourselves. We gauge where we are, what we can manage and then do the same for those around us. This is high EQ. But, also, it really is just creative, extravagant love.

Love,

Megan